On Time

Photo by me

I’ve been away from here for a while. At first, I was preparing myself for going into a new career and the joy and grief that came with that. Then, I told myself that I was too busy…and I stayed busy. The truth, though, is that I was scared that being in and living in my truth would be embarrassing if someone from my job found out.

Living in truth also means living in my mistakes, both publicly and privately and not shaming myself or allowing anyone else to shame me. Time has this weird way of raveling me up into the tightest of knots until I have no other choice than to come undone, smooth myself out, and lay myself open to the possibility of a new form.

Here are some things I’ve found:

  1. Rushing has never saved me time
    • I have tried to run to destinations and missed the journey only to arrive at a spot that was never meant for me. Slowing down has helped me to be more careful with what I do and don’t have and appreciate the everything in between.
  2. Learn from the greats
    • Lately, my friend Shannon and I have been reading Black Women Writers At Work edited by Claudia Tate. What I’ve found most interesting in these readings is when writers like Maya Angelou or Toni Morrison or Ntozake Shange talk about what they do when they can’t write. Some of them say to “live” or simply to not write until the words appear. When I find that I’ve used time to silence myself, I use their strength to claw my way out of my own throat with the knowledge that even if I don’t fully believe it all the way, what I have to say is important.
  3. Be intentional with your time
    • I am my own responsibility. All of the dreams and goals and aspirations that I have will not and will never come true until I act on them. Like the old saying goes, faith without works is dead.
  4. Lose your time wisely
    • Part of my responsibility to my time and to myself is to lose it doing what I love. I don’t want to get to the end of my life and find that I’ve busied myself out of living it. Setting stricter boundaries helps me to create the kind of freedom necessary for my survival.

The new dawn blooms as we free it. For there is always light, if only we’re brave enough to see it; if only we’re brave enough to be it.

Amanda Gorman